Book Review -My Feudal lord- BY Sadia Wali

Book Review

My Feudal lord

      

BY Sadia Wali

I found an inner strength to fight for myself. It was clear that nobody else would.” ― Tehmina Durrani, My Feudal Lord

A shiver runs down my spine as I begin to read this heart-wrenching story of Tehmina Durrani- the daughter of former Governor of State Bank of Pakistan and Managing Director of Pakistan International Airlines, S.U. Durrani  and wife of Ghulam Mustafa Khar. Tehmina stout-heartedly described her abusive and traumatic marriage to Mustafa Khar. With inner strength and valor, she endured the hypocritical and tortuous behaviour  of her chauvinist husband.

Ghulam Mustafa Khar renowned politician destroyed lives of Tehmina and five other innocent women .It was Tehmina who presented to the world the vulnerable position of women in Pakistani society and how they suffer in silence. The autobiography as Tehmina says has broken the taboos for women facing uncomplaining hardships .As I believe we educated women needs to be socially and ethically aware of our rights. We are living in a male- dominated society where it is not easy to speak up against men’s atrocious behaviour nor women have any support to raise their voice against injustice done to them.

Divorce or taking Khula is considered a taboo in our masculine society and culture. Women are not encouraged to take up such bold initiatives, they remain subdued and complaint due to social pressures. Women who attempt to fight up for their rights have to face challenging situations such as feeling insecure, losing self-confidence, self- identity and self- esteem. As how Tehmina made seven to eight attempts to get rid of this wild man, Ghulam Mustafa Khar, being a mother of five children weakened her every time.She continued to suffer painful emotional turmoil.

As she said, “I knew that I could not leave him. I had entered into a controversial marriage and I had to strive to keep it intact.” He promised to be good husband. I grasp desperately at these signs of his approval. My goal was to keep him in his mood.”

Women who have read the autobiography opined that it was the wrong decision of Tehmina to leave her first husband Anees and marry Mustafa who attracted her with his glamorous political affluences. But my opinion is slightly different; I personally believe that women have social, legal and religious rights to choose the partner she likes whether it is her first marriage or second marriage. If she is unhappy and unsatisfied, she has every right to opt for better decision in life. If men can opt for four marriages why not women? Second thing women want a loving compatible life partner, they do not want to live a life with a barbarian. The brutish attitude of men is never condemned by society and families. Women take the risk of trusting a man who betrays her soul by his foul play, unethical behavior, language and manipulative acts of love-making, thinking women as ‘sexual object’.  Tehmina ‘s tormenting  story portrays  the story of an ordinary woman  who yearns  to live a perfect respectable marriage life.

Mustafa was portrayed as a mentally sick person, he physically and sexually assaulted Tehamina many times.She became pregnant due to his violent  physical behaviour. As she declared herself as ‘Sexual object.”

I would like to quote some horrifying physical assaults of Mustafa. Tehmina accompanied her mother   to a dinner, she was ordered by Mustafa to reach home by 10.30 pm. As she got late, she had to suffer terrible consequences. She was locked in a tortuous chamber, he tore her sari to shreds and beat her savagely.  When she became pregnant the first time, she faced the worst fury of Khar.As Tehmina related, “He hit me on my face, he clutched at me and pulled me from the bed. He threw me to the floor. My forehead crashed against the corner of the bedside table and I screamed in horror as blood gushed into my eye.”

After facing continuous physical assaults, Tehmina understood the dual personality of Mustafa. He manipulated her by being violent and then displaying civility by showing compassion and forgiveness.

The latter part of the book focused on Mustafa’s exile and Tehmina with her strength of character coped with all the political challenges, personal and social relationships. During exile, Mustafa developed good relations with Tehmina’s family. However, Tehmina suspected Mustafa and her youngest sister Adila developed illicit relations. This emotional agony developed hysteria. Tehmina also tried to commit suicide by taking tranquillizers. According to her, “The constant making and breaking had  taken its toll on me. The cracks could not be papered over with words.”

The best part of the book I like when Tehmina gained spiritual strength to transform herself from a subdued house wife to a strong woman. Instead of remaining a silent spectator she became reactive. Once Mustafa in anger snapped a jug from bathroom and tried to hit her head .   Instantaneously, she slammed the door and locked him inside.She strongly spoke, “If you can only understand once and for all that  Iam not here to take your nonsense, I’ll let you out.” 

Another incident I would liketo quote is Tehmina was working in kitchen when Mustafa insisted to go out. As he said I’ll break every bone in your body, the very next moment Tehmina grabbed the pot from the stove and threw at him. She ferociously screamed, “I know there is a sick insane animal outside. Do you really expect me to come out and hand myself over.”

Despite gaining spiritual strength, the decision of taking divorce from Mustafa was a hard decision. Once she made effort to leave Mustafa and lived in a hotel arranged by her brother Asim. But Mustafa tricked her by asking permission to meet children and kidnapped them. Children were sent to Pakistan, they lived with Mustafa’s family in the village of Kot Addu. By kidnapping children, Mustafa tried to blackmail Tehmina to come back to him. Facing continuous threats from Mustafa and unsupportive attitude of her family, Tehmina was compelled to go back to Mustafa. Her goal was to win her children. She had no emotional attachment with Mustafa, yet she played a pivotal role in political campaigns for Mustafa. She also made efforts to release him from exile. She was declared as ‘Lioness’ by party members, the woman who fought a rentless and successful battle to free her husband.

The last part of the book explicates the real struggle of Tehmina after breaking up from Mustafa. In her words, “I pleaded that I did not have strength to cope with further betrayal, abuse and begged for mercy. “There was no end to her tears; finally she decided to take’ Khula’.  Once she told Mustafa, “You stripped me of everything. But from today, you can never say that Tehmina is your wife. You lost me in the bargain.”

After Khula Tehmina felt as “A great burden lifted from my shoulders. I was no longer Tehmina Khar.”

She was freed from Mustafa’s tyranny. However, social pressures and emotional insecurity kept her low- spirited and despondent. The identity of Mrs. Mustafa Khar no longer exists, her friends and social groups to whom she was associated declined to help her. “I have to start a new.” Was there a new Tehmina Durrani inside me, older and sadder but also wiser.” She pondered. Being single, divorce or widow, a Pakistani woman cannot easily survive in a male- dominated society. Tehmina like other helpless women suffered great ordeals in bringing up her children. During adversity, her sisters Zarmina and Minoo supported her.

 The book is great inspiration for every woman who is compelled to suffer in silence. The strength and determination of Tehmina is commendable. Through her bold piece of work, she aimed at raising awareness in women to speak up for their rights. Ending her book she writes, “Muslim women must learn to raise their voices against injustice.It is Jehad to represent the silent majority who are suffering in silence.”  

While reading the heard hearted incidents in the book, I felt inner strength and firmness. According to my personal view, men need women and women need men. They should not be abused, maligned and treated with contempt. Their self- respect and self- esteem is essential to build or break their personality. It is high time, we women need to stand and ask for our rightful place in society. We should not need act as silent spectators, we have our own identity, individuality and value which needs to be recognized.   We need to live boldly and build up our decision power. Trial and error is the road to success. Unless we take risks in life, we never know which path is better. Trust in Allah He has great plans for us.

I read beautiful lines in the book, ‘The confident Woman’ by Joyce Meyer and I quote, “You are a woman! God loves you, you are equal with men, and you have a destiny. It is high time someone realizes who you really are!. Value your inner self, your beauty, innocence and purity. God has given women a special place of honour in society.”

Hence, women need to be unconditionally loved and respected by society as a whole.