BOOK
REVIEW BY
SADIA WALI
‘What a
legacy you have given us; suppress all natural emotions and that loving someone
is impure. How can you expect me to be quiet and let you decide my future when
you absolutely have no regard for what I want’.
Shazaf
Fatima Haider, one of the modern writers of Pakistan, has equipped the minds of
young readers by portraying insightful human feelings and sentiments. She has
depicted the reality of the troubles that are considered taboo in Pakistan,
such as the issue of love vs. arranged marriages, inter- sect Sunni-Shia
marriages and old customs and traditions.
I,
being a profound reader of fiction, chose to read this book, as the story
revolves around the social norms and traditions which are still followed in
many families, such as family feuds arising from inter-generational conflicts,
social gossips, quarrels over marriage issues and those who break these
norms. Every moment and event in the
book is so exciting and stimulating that is bound to touch hearts deeply. It is
the humorous and sarcastic tone that makes the novel more absorbing and
captivating for the readers.
The
age- old traditions of Bandian family and tales of Bhakuraj, the
family’s ancestral village, depicts contemporary Pakistani society where
marriages are always arranged and women are merely involved in housework like cooking and sewing.
The
story is narrated by 15-year-old Saleha, the youngest member of Bandian
family. Dadi Jan, the main character of the novel is a staunch believer of
traditions and norms and expects the entire family to cope up with the age old
customs. Her daughter- in law whom she calls Bahu seemed to be offensive
by her conservative behavior. She raised her children in modern ways and so the
three children, Haroon, Zeba and Saleha were well- educated and confident. The
grandchildren followed modern traditions and showed severe opposition to
the traditions which Dadi Jan passionately advocates for them. As for Bahu she
remained irresponsive to Dadi Jan’s decision and tried to tackle her wisely.
The story begins with searching a suitable girl for Haroon.
As Saleha writes, “After a few weeks of
girl searching we were all exhausted. Even the prospect of tasting trolley
yummies did not seem to be an incentive for continuing the confounded search.”
At last Haroon declared in front of the family that he wished to marry Saima, a
colleague in his office. Initially, the wedding of Haroon and Saima seemed to
be difficult as Dadi Jan persisted that the girl should be from the Bandian
family. Haroon and his mother (Bahu) were able to convince Dadi Jan, and
thus, the wedding was celebrated with great fervor. The grand ceremony took place in the presence of all the
family members of Bandian family and relatives of the bride.
The
novel focused on mother and daughter- in law relationship, which Saleha marked
as strange and complex. “Dadi felt that Haroon her grandson has changed
after marriage.” Haroon's mother stayed quiet, but shot hostile looks at
her daughter- in- law. "She turned pale when one day Saima made
biryani. That honour had belonged to Ammi," said Saleha.
But
Zeba really acted wisely, her positive statements deeply moved my heart. I
quote “If you two don’t lose your grip, you are going to lose not just your
daughter-in- law but your son as well. Stop trying to be her mother. She is not
your daughter. She will never be. Be her friend, stop arguing with her and give
her space.”
These
are real – life situations which we all face in our homes. Practical and
sensible decisions are needed to make this bond grow strong and stay
strong Misunderstanding and conflicts
begin piling up, if trivial issues are not considered seriously; consequently
ending up relationships which could be strengthened by improving communication,
intimacy and love.
Next
was Zeba's turn. Drawing Room Meetings were set for Zeba to meet her suitor and
Dadi Jan declared that all norms and customs must be followed. A good eastern girl must wear dupatta on her
head, accompanied by her sister, she should shyly salam the suitor’s mother and
answer all the questions in quiet whisper without any arguments. These social
norms still persist in our homes which are really embarrassing for the girl. As
Sahela reflected so truly, ‘Women are nothing more than a commodity to be
sold at the time of marriage. It is like we are going shopping for girls; just
like a chattel to be paraded and inspected by strangers. Girl should be fully
female, full virgin, qualified to get good job, and most important she must be
anything but dazzling fair’
In
Sahela words, “A similar round of
questions ensured. The mother had
painted her face white but forgotten to extend the corrective cosmetics to her
neck which betrayed her by being distinctively brown.” The mother of the suitor began speaking in an
abusive tone, ‘She looks old enough to me. Old enough to bear children. What
else does she need to do?’
And
while reading I began to recall my unpleasant drawing room experiences; how
awful and unbearable it is for the girl to tolerate the impolite behavior and
rude and unrefined comments of the suitor’s family. I quote Zeba's words, ‘I am dragged around
by Dadi for grand display and auction. One minute Iam single and proud of it
and all of a sudden I am considered incomplete because I don’t have a man to
take care of it.’
The
powerful emotional narratives of the characters are mind pondering. They depict
the real feelings of girls, who wish to get freedom from these absurd cultural
constraints, allowed to choose the person of their choice to live a stress-free
life. In my words, in reality we are part of a female dominated society, who
loves to play the victim card all the times!!!!!!
As
going through the novel, I felt girls of our society are still entangled in the
matters to make a decision concerning their marriage. Does our society permit
girls to choose spouse of their choice? It is a pitiable truth that girls have
to succumb against the decisions of their family, compromising and bearing the
barbarous attitude of men and their families.
This is how most of us are suffering in silence.
The
writer, negotiating with age old marriage traditions, has challenged that girls,
if persistent in behavior, can attain their task. I felt the last part of the novel is really
inspiring as it tells us how Zeba fought for her future. Zeba had to face
severe hostility from her family especially Dadi Jan when she discovered that
Zeba was meeting Omer at a restaurant. Zeba was firm in her decision to marry
the person of her choice, she chose her partner based on love and perceived
“compatibility”.
It was not an easy task for Zeba to convince
her family but it was finally Fatima phupho, the only daring person in the
whole family who had the guts to convince Dadi Jan and others to plan meeting
with Omer family.
Lastly!
The story ends with Zeba's successful marriage to Omer. The narrator concluded
by saying,
‘Thus,
ended with Zeba baji that unadulterated saga of marriages arranged and
preplanned. After Zeba baji’s breach of tradition, five couples married
outside the family for love. My sister is her generation’s
heroine and the previous generation’s nightmare.’
An
overpowering and ludic novel! Highly recommended to read!!!
