BOOK REVIEW - How It Happened

BOOK REVIEW BY SADIA WALI

                     ‘What a legacy you have given us; suppress all natural emotions and that loving someone is impure. How can you expect me to be quiet and let you decide my future when you absolutely have no regard for what I want’.

            Shazaf Fatima Haider, one of the modern writers of Pakistan, has equipped the minds of young readers by portraying insightful human feelings and sentiments. She has depicted the reality of the troubles that are considered taboo in Pakistan, such as the issue of love vs. arranged marriages, inter- sect Sunni-Shia marriages and old customs and traditions.

      I, being a profound reader of fiction, chose to read this book, as the story revolves around the social norms and traditions which are still followed in many families, such as family feuds arising from inter-generational conflicts, social gossips, quarrels over marriage issues and those who break these norms.  Every moment and event in the book is so exciting and stimulating that is bound to touch hearts deeply. It is the humorous and sarcastic tone that makes the novel more absorbing and captivating for the readers.

     The age- old traditions of Bandian family and tales of Bhakuraj, the family’s ancestral village, depicts contemporary Pakistani society where marriages are always arranged and women are merely involved in housework   like cooking and sewing.

      The story is narrated by 15-year-old Saleha, the youngest member of Bandian family. Dadi Jan, the main character of the novel is a staunch believer of traditions and norms and expects the entire family to cope up with the age old customs. Her daughter- in law whom she calls Bahu seemed to be offensive by her conservative behavior. She raised her children in modern ways and so the three children, Haroon, Zeba and Saleha were well- educated and confident. The grandchildren followed modern traditions and showed severe opposition to the traditions which Dadi Jan passionately advocates for them. As for Bahu she remained irresponsive to Dadi Jan’s decision and tried to tackle her wisely.

        The story begins with searching a suitable girl for Haroon. As Saleha writes, “After a few weeks of girl searching we were all exhausted. Even the prospect of tasting trolley yummies did not seem to be an incentive for continuing the confounded search.”

 At last Haroon declared in front of the family that he wished to marry Saima, a colleague in his office. Initially, the wedding of Haroon and Saima seemed to be difficult as Dadi Jan persisted that the girl should be from the Bandian family. Haroon and his mother (Bahu) were able to convince Dadi Jan, and thus, the wedding was celebrated with great fervor. The grand ceremony took place in the presence of all the family members of Bandian family and relatives of the bride.

      The novel focused on mother and daughter- in law relationship, which Saleha marked as strange and complex. “Dadi felt that Haroon her grandson has changed after marriage.” Haroon's mother stayed quiet, but shot hostile looks at her daughter- in- law. "She turned pale when one day Saima made biryani. That honour had belonged to Ammi," said Saleha.

But Zeba really acted wisely, her positive statements deeply moved my heart. I quote “If you two don’t lose your grip, you are going to lose not just your daughter-in- law but your son as well. Stop trying to be her mother. She is not your daughter. She will never be. Be her friend, stop arguing with her and give her space.”

    These are real – life situations which we all face in our homes. Practical and sensible decisions are needed to make this bond grow strong and stay strong  Misunderstanding and conflicts begin piling up, if trivial issues are not considered seriously; consequently ending up relationships which could be strengthened by improving communication, intimacy and love.

    Next was Zeba's turn. Drawing Room Meetings were set for Zeba to meet her suitor and Dadi Jan declared that all norms and customs must be followed.  A good eastern girl must wear dupatta on her head, accompanied by her sister, she should shyly salam the suitor’s mother and answer all the questions in quiet whisper without any arguments. These social norms still persist in our homes which are really embarrassing for the girl. As Sahela reflected so truly, ‘Women are nothing more than a commodity to be sold at the time of marriage. It is like we are going shopping for girls; just like a chattel to be paraded and inspected by strangers. Girl should be fully female, full virgin, qualified to get good job, and most important she must be anything but dazzling fair’

      In Sahela words, “A similar round of questions ensured. The mother had painted her face white but forgotten to extend the corrective cosmetics to her neck which betrayed her by being distinctively brown.”  The mother of the suitor began speaking in an abusive tone, ‘She looks old enough to me. Old enough to bear children. What else does she need to do?’

And while reading I began to recall my unpleasant drawing room experiences; how awful and unbearable it is for the girl to tolerate the impolite behavior and rude and unrefined comments of the suitor’s family.  I quote Zeba's words, ‘I am dragged around by Dadi for grand display and auction. One minute Iam single and proud of it and all of a sudden I am considered incomplete because I don’t have a man to take care of it.’

      The powerful emotional narratives of the characters are mind pondering. They depict the real feelings of girls, who wish to get freedom from these absurd cultural constraints, allowed to choose the person of their choice to live a stress-free life. In my words, in reality we are part of a female dominated society, who loves to play the victim card all the times!!!!!!

As going through the novel, I felt girls of our society are still entangled in the matters to make a decision concerning their marriage. Does our society permit girls to choose spouse of their choice? It is a pitiable truth that girls have to succumb against the decisions of their family, compromising and bearing the barbarous attitude of men and their families.  This is how most of us are suffering in silence.

       The writer, negotiating with age old marriage traditions, has challenged that girls, if persistent in behavior, can attain their task.  I felt the last part of the novel is really inspiring as it tells us how Zeba fought for her future. Zeba had to face severe hostility from her family especially Dadi Jan when she discovered that Zeba was meeting Omer at a restaurant. Zeba was firm in her decision to marry the person of her choice, she chose her partner based on love and perceived “compatibility”.

      It was not an easy task for Zeba to convince her family but it was finally Fatima phupho, the only daring person in the whole family who had the guts to convince Dadi Jan and others to plan meeting with Omer family. 

    Lastly! The story ends with Zeba's successful marriage to Omer. The narrator concluded by saying,

     ‘Thus, ended with Zeba baji that unadulterated saga of marriages arranged and preplanned. After Zeba baji’s breach of tradition, five couples married outside  the family  for love. My sister is her generation’s heroine and the previous generation’s nightmare.’ 

       An overpowering and ludic novel! Highly recommended to read!!!