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Wednesday, October 12, 2016
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
BOOK REVIEW - How It Happened
BOOK
REVIEW BY
SADIA WALI
‘What a
legacy you have given us; suppress all natural emotions and that loving someone
is impure. How can you expect me to be quiet and let you decide my future when
you absolutely have no regard for what I want’.
Shazaf
Fatima Haider, one of the modern writers of Pakistan, has equipped the minds of
young readers by portraying insightful human feelings and sentiments. She has
depicted the reality of the troubles that are considered taboo in Pakistan,
such as the issue of love vs. arranged marriages, inter- sect Sunni-Shia
marriages and old customs and traditions.
I,
being a profound reader of fiction, chose to read this book, as the story
revolves around the social norms and traditions which are still followed in
many families, such as family feuds arising from inter-generational conflicts,
social gossips, quarrels over marriage issues and those who break these
norms. Every moment and event in the
book is so exciting and stimulating that is bound to touch hearts deeply. It is
the humorous and sarcastic tone that makes the novel more absorbing and
captivating for the readers.
The
age- old traditions of Bandian family and tales of Bhakuraj, the
family’s ancestral village, depicts contemporary Pakistani society where
marriages are always arranged and women are merely involved in housework like cooking and sewing.
The
story is narrated by 15-year-old Saleha, the youngest member of Bandian
family. Dadi Jan, the main character of the novel is a staunch believer of
traditions and norms and expects the entire family to cope up with the age old
customs. Her daughter- in law whom she calls Bahu seemed to be offensive
by her conservative behavior. She raised her children in modern ways and so the
three children, Haroon, Zeba and Saleha were well- educated and confident. The
grandchildren followed modern traditions and showed severe opposition to
the traditions which Dadi Jan passionately advocates for them. As for Bahu she
remained irresponsive to Dadi Jan’s decision and tried to tackle her wisely.
The story begins with searching a suitable girl for Haroon.
As Saleha writes, “After a few weeks of
girl searching we were all exhausted. Even the prospect of tasting trolley
yummies did not seem to be an incentive for continuing the confounded search.”
At last Haroon declared in front of the family that he wished to marry Saima, a
colleague in his office. Initially, the wedding of Haroon and Saima seemed to
be difficult as Dadi Jan persisted that the girl should be from the Bandian
family. Haroon and his mother (Bahu) were able to convince Dadi Jan, and
thus, the wedding was celebrated with great fervor. The grand ceremony took place in the presence of all the
family members of Bandian family and relatives of the bride.
The
novel focused on mother and daughter- in law relationship, which Saleha marked
as strange and complex. “Dadi felt that Haroon her grandson has changed
after marriage.” Haroon's mother stayed quiet, but shot hostile looks at
her daughter- in- law. "She turned pale when one day Saima made
biryani. That honour had belonged to Ammi," said Saleha.
But
Zeba really acted wisely, her positive statements deeply moved my heart. I
quote “If you two don’t lose your grip, you are going to lose not just your
daughter-in- law but your son as well. Stop trying to be her mother. She is not
your daughter. She will never be. Be her friend, stop arguing with her and give
her space.”
These
are real – life situations which we all face in our homes. Practical and
sensible decisions are needed to make this bond grow strong and stay
strong Misunderstanding and conflicts
begin piling up, if trivial issues are not considered seriously; consequently
ending up relationships which could be strengthened by improving communication,
intimacy and love.
Next
was Zeba's turn. Drawing Room Meetings were set for Zeba to meet her suitor and
Dadi Jan declared that all norms and customs must be followed. A good eastern girl must wear dupatta on her
head, accompanied by her sister, she should shyly salam the suitor’s mother and
answer all the questions in quiet whisper without any arguments. These social
norms still persist in our homes which are really embarrassing for the girl. As
Sahela reflected so truly, ‘Women are nothing more than a commodity to be
sold at the time of marriage. It is like we are going shopping for girls; just
like a chattel to be paraded and inspected by strangers. Girl should be fully
female, full virgin, qualified to get good job, and most important she must be
anything but dazzling fair’
In
Sahela words, “A similar round of
questions ensured. The mother had
painted her face white but forgotten to extend the corrective cosmetics to her
neck which betrayed her by being distinctively brown.” The mother of the suitor began speaking in an
abusive tone, ‘She looks old enough to me. Old enough to bear children. What
else does she need to do?’
And
while reading I began to recall my unpleasant drawing room experiences; how
awful and unbearable it is for the girl to tolerate the impolite behavior and
rude and unrefined comments of the suitor’s family. I quote Zeba's words, ‘I am dragged around
by Dadi for grand display and auction. One minute Iam single and proud of it
and all of a sudden I am considered incomplete because I don’t have a man to
take care of it.’
The
powerful emotional narratives of the characters are mind pondering. They depict
the real feelings of girls, who wish to get freedom from these absurd cultural
constraints, allowed to choose the person of their choice to live a stress-free
life. In my words, in reality we are part of a female dominated society, who
loves to play the victim card all the times!!!!!!
As
going through the novel, I felt girls of our society are still entangled in the
matters to make a decision concerning their marriage. Does our society permit
girls to choose spouse of their choice? It is a pitiable truth that girls have
to succumb against the decisions of their family, compromising and bearing the
barbarous attitude of men and their families.
This is how most of us are suffering in silence.
The
writer, negotiating with age old marriage traditions, has challenged that girls,
if persistent in behavior, can attain their task. I felt the last part of the novel is really
inspiring as it tells us how Zeba fought for her future. Zeba had to face
severe hostility from her family especially Dadi Jan when she discovered that
Zeba was meeting Omer at a restaurant. Zeba was firm in her decision to marry
the person of her choice, she chose her partner based on love and perceived
“compatibility”.
It was not an easy task for Zeba to convince
her family but it was finally Fatima phupho, the only daring person in the
whole family who had the guts to convince Dadi Jan and others to plan meeting
with Omer family.
Lastly!
The story ends with Zeba's successful marriage to Omer. The narrator concluded
by saying,
‘Thus,
ended with Zeba baji that unadulterated saga of marriages arranged and
preplanned. After Zeba baji’s breach of tradition, five couples married
outside the family for love. My sister is her generation’s
heroine and the previous generation’s nightmare.’
An
overpowering and ludic novel! Highly recommended to read!!!
Sunday, June 19, 2016
THE BODY NEVER LIES - THE LINGERING EFFECTS OF CRUEL PARENTING - ALICE MILLER, PH.D
BOOK REVIEW
BY SADIA WALI
World-renowned psychoanalyst, Alice Miller has devoted a
lifetime to studying the cruelties inflicted on children. In The Body Never Lies,
Miller goes further investigating the long-range consequences of childhood
abuse on the adult body.
Using numerous case
histories gathered from her practice, as well as examining the biographical
stories of other writers such as Marcel Proust, Virginia Woolf, Friedrich Nietzsche,
and others, Miller exhibited how a child's emotional traumas, humiliation, and
rage create physical and mental disorders. While discussing the lives of these
literary celebrities, Miller explored the traumas that haunted each author's
childhood. She also connected the writers' painful childhoods with their age of
maturity, causing severe mental disorders and sickness such as depression,
anorexia, cancer, and even insanity.
Miller examined parental spanking to sexual
abuse and emotional blackmail. According to the writer, the societal pressures cause parents to adopt harsh and tyrannical attitude with
children. To combat the devastating
effects of such jarring, Miller recommended the therapy of "Enlightened
Witness" to reaffirm the patient's repressed reactions to a forgotten
childhood experience.
Miller also discussed that religion can help young Individuals to
become healthy and conscious adults. She urged society to realize that
the Fourth Commandment -"Honor thy father and thy mother"- offers
immunity to abusive parents. Indeed, she argued not to extend forgiveness to
parents whose tyrannical child rearing methods have resulted in unhappy, and
often ruined, adult lives.
Finally, identifying
the consequences, she stated that “Parents and guardians who abuse their
children, both physically and mentally, leave them embarrassed and hurt. The
inability of most children to properly express such feelings causes them to
perpetuate the cycle by lashing out at their family, friends, and, above all
their own children, who will inevitably do the same.’’
By reading this book, I found a calm and
encouraging voice of Miller. The book provide us an insight
to authoritarian parenting and its direct and indirect effect on child’s
personality. The clinical therapy offered by the writer boost up healing powers of the adult self and
the body.
To know
about negative temperaments and mood of your child and how to tackle depression,
illness and other conflicts, parents are recommended to read this book and analyse
the factors which are causing physical problems in their children.
Friday, June 10, 2016
Promoting peace -Bridging the gap between cultures is urgent and necessary for peace, stability and development
By SADIA WALI
The world is experiencing complex challenges, such
as violent extremism, identity-based conflicts and cultural and religious constraint.
Ethno nationalism, racism and discrimination against minority groups, religious
extremism and violations of human rights are the cause of an increasing number of
local and regional conflicts across the world.
FROM
A CULTURE OF VIOLENCE TO A CULTURE OF PEACE, A UNESCO publication says,
“The word peace has a variety of meanings in
different contexts. In international affairs, it is employed to denote
relations between states. Elsewhere, it is associated with internal conditions
in a country, in a society, between groups, organizations and social structures
or between man and his natural environment. In ethics or morality, the word ‘peace’
is used to characterize human relationships and attitudes or to determine an
individual’s frame of mind, often qualified as ‘inner peace. In the law of nations,
‘peace’ denotes the contrary of war, which is most frequently defined as a
resort to armed struggle and hostilities”
Universal Declaration of Human Rights states, ‘the
recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of
all members of the human family is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace
in the world’. The Yamoussoukro Declaration proposed to base a peace culture
‘on the universal values of respect for life, liberty, justice, solidarity,
tolerance, human rights and equality between women and men’. All these values
may be grouped around such key notions as justice, human rights, democracy,
development, non-violence and peaceful resolution of conflicts.
A culture of peace is intimately linked with a
culture of human rights and democracy, thus these racial disputes and conflicts
have raised the question how can we deal with these in a constructive way.
Johan Galtung, Elise Boulding and Santiago Genovéseminent peace researchers and
philosophers have emphasized on conflict prevention and post-conflict
peace-building procedures. They stressed upon rethinking peace and designing
new modalities for its achievement at the international, regional, national and
local levels. These modalities are renewed focus on good governance, rule of
law, sustainable development, and respect for human rights, economic and social
marginalization.
UNESCO has raised awareness worldwide about the
importance of dialogue, diversity and inclusion. UNESCO World Report: Investing in
Cultural Diversity and Intercultural
Dialogue.
PART I says,
Equitable exchange and dialogue among civilizations, cultures and peoples,
based on mutual understanding and respect and the equal dignity of all cultures
is the essential prerequisite for constructing social cohesion, reconciliation
among peoples and peace among nations.
Challenges to building
intercultural dialogue include: building intercultural competencies, promoting
interfaith dialogue, and reconciling conflicting memories. Interfaith dialogue is a crucial dimension of
international understanding, and thus of conflict resolution;
playing a vital role in the field of Cultural Diplomacy, interfaith dialogue
fosters reciprocal understanding, acceptance and tolerance amongst different religious
communities.
The
U.S. State Department released the Country Reports 2014-15 on Terrorism which
states that nearly 33,000 people were killed and 34,700 injured in almost
13,500 terrorist attacks around the world in 2014-15. The terrorist attacks
took place in 95 countries, but were concentrated in Iraq, Pakistan,
Afghanistan, India, Nigeria and Syria. The report points out that terrorism in
2015 was marked by numerous kidnappings and hostage-taking events citing more
than 9,400 people kidnapped or taken hostage in terrorist attacks particularly
in Iraq and Syria. The root causes of increased terrorism around
the world are ethno-nationalism, racial and cultural discrimination, socio-economic status and lack of political inclusiveness in states or
grievances to combat terrorism.
General Director-General of UNESCO, Irina Bokova
said: "We see an unprecedented humanitarian crisis in Syria and Iraq. We
see cultural cleansing on massive scale, humanity’s shared heritage destroyed,
looted and sold off. Countering violent extremism calls for action in every
society, especially with young women and men, who, in their aspirations and
their diversity are our greatest ambassadors of peace,”
Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon in remarks to General
Assembly debate on peace operations, 12 October 2015 said, “The
historic adoption of the Sustainable Development Goals last month underscores a
long-standing truth: there will be no peace without development, no development
without peace, and neither without respect for human rights.”UN Secretary
General has rightly underlined the centrality of tolerance, promotion of
inter-cultural dialogue and mutual respect for global peace. At a time when
various parts of the world is hungering for peace and the phenomenon of racism,
xenophobia, extremism and various other forms of violence are stirring the very
edifice of a peaceful global society, all efforts needs to be made to promote
voices of compassion and love.
United Nations General Assembly stipulates certain
duties and obligations for states in order to promote peace and calls upon all
states to discourage and eliminate incitement to racial hatred, national or
other discrimination, injustice or advocacy of violence and war.
President Obama clearly emphasized about the nature
of the struggle against violent extremism and the most appropriate response:
"Ideologies are not defeated by guns but new ideas," he said.
"The path is not less democracy but more democracy, HR and the rule of
law. “We have to work together to build diverse, tolerant, inclusive societies
to defeat violent extremism," said President Obama, adding "We will
win the battle and this requires diligence, focus, and sustainable efforts by
all of us."
The most senior United Nations humanitarian official
stressed that the failure of parties to the conflict in Syria to uphold the
basic tenets of international law has propelled the Syrian people to levels of
tragedy and despair which could barely have been imagined five years ago.
“By any measure, the situation in Syria has worsened
since the beginning of the year,” the UN Under-Secretary-General for
Humanitarian Affairs and Emergency Relief Coordinator, Stephen O'Brien, told
the UN Security Council during a briefing on the situation in the country.
Prime Minister Abadi of Iraq said, "We have
to stop foreign fighters, stop financing, stop the enslavement of women, stop
theft of artifacts."
Prime Minister David Cameron of the United Kingdom,
the King of Jordan and Prime Minister of Italy, MatteoRenzi has highlighted the
role of collaboration and dialogue among communities in bringing back peace in
the region.
The Prime Minister of Malaysia said "No crime and violence is justified in
the name of religion. Moderation in Islam and its associated values of humility
and compassion are values that help to promote values of compassion, respect,
tolerance and mutual understanding.”
Members of the
European Council have reacted with deep sorrow
and strong unity to the recent terrorist attacks in Paris. These attacks
targeted the fundamental values and human rights that are at the heart of the
European Union - solidarity, freedom, including freedom of expression,
pluralism, democracy, tolerance and human dignity. We will safeguard our common
values and protect all from violence based on ethnic or religious motivations and
racism they said.
The French Foreign Minister, Laurent Fabius, laid
emphasis on the urgency of collective action in the struggle against Violent
Extremism. This was also echoed by the Prime Minister of Belgium, who said:
"only together can we make progress towards a safer world."
Speaking at the
United Nations General Assembly, Pakistan’s Prime Minister Muhammad Nawaz
Sharif said, "Pakistan is
fully committed to the objectives of nonproliferation and disarmament. Pakistan
is also participating in global efforts to prevent and combat proliferation of
weapons of mass destruction he said. He proposed for renewed peace talks with India. He said that
these talks aimed at defining the relationship between the Asian countries ‘as
one of cooperation, not confrontation.’
Promotion of
non-violence and peace is not just about the absence of war. It is not an end
or final goal, but a process. It is about creating an enabling environment for promoting
peaceful social change through advocacy, knowledge sharing and networking that
increase tolerance and encourage conflict prevention. Peaceful
exchange of views and ideas builds understanding, empathy and tolerance and
identifies new possibilities for peaceful coexistence among nations and peoples
of the region.
We are living through a period of global transition.
Technology is connecting us ever more closely, and cross-cultural exchanges are
deepening every day. Societies are more diverse and intolerance is on the rise.
We have to
prepare learners to become good citizens in their communities, nation and the
world and equip them with the skills that promote peace and human dignity at
all levels of interaction. Teach girls and boys not just how to live
together but how to act together as global citizens. We need to nurture
tolerance from playgrounds to parliaments.
“Let
us join hands to accept differences and to end violence. No culture can live if
it attempts to be exclusive” - #MahatmaGandhi
Let every dream become Martin Luther King’s
dream, let every step towards peace become Mahatma Gandhi’s Salt March and let
every obstacle in your path become Nelson Mandela’s painful twenty-seven years
in prison. Promise yourself that you will contribute your best to make the
phenomenon of violence outdated, promise yourself that you will try to motivate
your friends to walk on the path of non-violence. Rise up to the level of love, compassion and
peace and create powerful, long-lasting change to make this world a better
place to live.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Movie -Review The Other Pair
An Inspiring movie to watch
The Other Pair’ an inspirational and motivational video clip made me realized that we need to change our thinking, We must aspire to help, share or give without expecting anything in return as it is truly said, The smallest good deed is worth a thousand grand intentions.
To our amazement, the boy inside the train began to smile, took off his other pair and threw it on the platform where the poor boy was standing. The clip ended with the two boys smiling and waving at each other.
This video teaches us so many things about life and the world we live in. If you have the passion to improve lives around you, If you desire to make an ever- lasting impact, light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path.”
Enjoy A sweet few minutes of joy here!
Award winning short film: The Other Pair is really heart touching, “If you can't complete your pair of shoes then at least complete the other pair"
/www.youtube.com/watch?v=BN7px3XzRoU
/www.youtube.com/watch?v=BN7px3XzRoU
By SADIA WALI
“Change your thoughts and you change your world.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale
The Other Pair’ an inspirational and motivational video clip made me realized that we need to change our thinking, We must aspire to help, share or give without expecting anything in return as it is truly said, The smallest good deed is worth a thousand grand intentions.
This Egyptian Short Film is Based On A Situation Of Ghandi's Life is Directed By : Sarah Rozik
The story of the movie clip revolves around two little boys who acted so selflessly and generously, that in their innocence, they taught a valuable lesson to everyone who watched. The main characters of this story are; a poor little boy dressed in ragged clothes and another boy who seemed to belong from a well-off family. The story began as the poor little boy, scruffy in appearance, was trying to mend his ripped shoe when suddenly his eyes focused on shiny black shoes worn by a boy similar to his age. The unfortunate boy began to dream if he could ever wear such shiny beautiful shoes.
The next scene was so inspiring; the poor boy was sitting on the ground around the railway track, while his counterpart was sitting with his father, waiting for the arrival of the train. As the train arrived, the boy along with his father rushed towards the train. While boarding the train, one of his shoes slipped off and fell on the ground. The poor boy saw the shoe lying; he remembered that he had seen them before. The train started moving, he saw the boy looking at his shoe from the passenger train door. The poor boy picked up the shoe and started running after the train in an attempt to give the shoe back. He ran desperately after the train but was unable to catch up with it. In vain, he threw the shoe as far as he could, hoping that the boy standing on the door could catch it. But the train moved faster and the shoe fell down on the track.
The next scene was so inspiring; the poor boy was sitting on the ground around the railway track, while his counterpart was sitting with his father, waiting for the arrival of the train. As the train arrived, the boy along with his father rushed towards the train. While boarding the train, one of his shoes slipped off and fell on the ground. The poor boy saw the shoe lying; he remembered that he had seen them before. The train started moving, he saw the boy looking at his shoe from the passenger train door. The poor boy picked up the shoe and started running after the train in an attempt to give the shoe back. He ran desperately after the train but was unable to catch up with it. In vain, he threw the shoe as far as he could, hoping that the boy standing on the door could catch it. But the train moved faster and the shoe fell down on the track.
To our amazement, the boy inside the train began to smile, took off his other pair and threw it on the platform where the poor boy was standing. The clip ended with the two boys smiling and waving at each other.
Look at the vision conveyed in that movie clip! Such a great act of compassion and generosity exhibited by both the children.
The poor boy although yearning for those pair of shoes, threw it towards
the boy standing inside the train and what a superb act by that
child who smiled and took off the other pair and threw it towards the track.
These emotional scenes left me with tears in my eyes.
I was left thinking how would we have reacted if we faced a similar situation.
Our whole journey would be affected by the ‘loss’ of the shoe. We would be upset
and eager to buy another pair soon. Would we even have thought of throwing the
one shoe we had for someone else?
As I watched this stirring video clip, I remembered the story of Gandhi I read sometime
back and on whom this movie clip is based. I would like to share
an excerpt with the readers.
Just as Gandhi board the train, one of his shoes slipped off and got caught on the track. He tried to pull it but could not. People standing near watched him. When he was unable to pull the shoe from the track, he took off the other shoe as well and threw it on the track right at the spot where the first one was stuck.
The astonished passengers asked, “Why are you throwing the other shoe onto the track?” Gandhi replied, “The poor man who finds the shoe lying on the track will now have a pair he can use.”
These inspirational acts make me wonder why we don’t think of celebrating
small acts of happiness. When you give unconditionally, it comes back unconditionally.
This is only possible if we show non- attachment to material things
such as our wealth and possessions.
As Buddha says,
“Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the
candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
This video teaches us so many things about life and the world we live in. If you have the passion to improve lives around you, If you desire to make an ever- lasting impact, light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path.”
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